Sunday, May 16, 2010

Why I Chose to Have Kids

Deb challenged me to figure out my reasons for having kids. My post was actually written years ago (seriously--two years ago) and shelved because I was not sure how to continue; couldn't come up with a decent segue. I do know some reasons why I wanted to have kids. Some were more important that others.

A few of my lesser reasons for choosing to have kids include some of the more fun ones. I wanted to see how I would do at being a parent. I hope my kids will be like me--I'm one of my favorite people! I wanted a chance to raise kids who might think and support the same ideas I do. They choose what to believe, but I'm hopeful. I enjoy being able to see them develop, change, and grow. My husband is good with kids and I really enjoy seeing that fun side of him with our own kids. And I think there are a couple of other reasons I cannot recall at the moment.

My most important reason for having children has to do with the intimacy that makes children possible. There is no more concrete representation of my marriage and my commitment to my husband than to create an entire other human being with him; a child that is partly me and partly him. Along with that purely physical joining, we also commit to dealing with each other for at least 18 years. Making decisions together regarding parenting issues for the duration of their minority. Though there is no guarentee that we will always be together, at the time we decided to have children, we had every intention of devoting ourselves to each other and our family for 20 or more years.

There are things I did not think were important. I did not think they would provide me with company. I can do that quite well by myself. I do not expect them to take care of me, though I hope they like me well enough to consider it. I did not worry I might screw the kids up irretrievably. I was pretty sure I could do better than that. I was not trying to compensate for any lack in my own upbringing. My own childhood was not perfect, some of which was out of my parents control, and some of which was. There are aspects of my childhood that my kids will not have to deal with and decisions to prevent those were made long before my decision to actually have children.

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