Saturday, June 30, 2007

Philosophy Jokes

My husband found a book of philosophy jokes in the airport on his way home from a conference in Tucson, AZ: Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar. My favorite of the three that he's told me so far:


Two cows are grazing in the field. The first cow turns to the other cow and asks "What do you think about the mind-body dichotomy?" The second cow looks up, then says "Moo."

I found a website of philosophy jokes. Ones I liked include:

Question: What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.'s usual question in his or her first job?
Answer: "Would you like french fries with that, sir?"

Why God Never Received Tenure at a University:

  • Because he had only one major publication.
  • And it was in Hebrew.
  • And it had no cited references.
  • And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review.
  • And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
  • It may be true that he created the world but what has he done since?
  • The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate his results.
  • He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
  • He expelled his first two students for learning.
  • Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
  • His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

And another website includes these:

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
And, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.
Bertrand Russell, Science and Religion

And the Jean-Paul Sartre cookbook is an old favorite!

From wikipedia on cow jokes:

Absolute Monarchy: You have two cows. The king takes both and hangs you. He then nurtures the cows until they're fat and eats them while the poor peasants
starve.
Anarchism: You have two cows. Your neighbor claims you stole them from him. You then agree without government interaction that you each keep one cow.
Aristocracy: You have two cows. The wealthy nobles take them from you and sell them on the market to a poor peasant.
Authoritarianism: You have two cows. The government kills them and eats the meat without your consent.
Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbor steals them, and the town holds an election debating whether he should keep them or not.
Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to someone else.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and evenly distributes the milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Autocracy: You have two cows. The dictator confiscates both and gives you a life sentence.
Utilitarianism: You have two cows. A neighbor has none. The government makes you give your neighbor a cow, but the neighbor has to share some of his chickens with you.

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